Religion....................my ass!!!

It's a weird feeling to have; flattery! I was quite flattered being hit on by someone yesterday. Makes you feel special, wanted and significant once again. like all sane human beings, we all seek some form of acknowledgement. I do it through trying to be the best at what i do, which hasn't been that successful in the past couple of years. I have experienced a new burst of purpose in my life with school. The excitemnt of learning something new, the challenge of finding the intrinsic meaning of things and life. ah! Life,...is what you make it they say. Maybe so, but at times it just gets exhausting. Friendship and human relationships exhaust me. I want to run away to drown my obligations of human interraction.A good friend tells me that we were created to worship God. why would you have people conceive, be brought into this earth to worship you, isn't that just plain selfish manipulation. I am tired of the so called quest for life, deeper meaning of who you are. what is good and what is not. Why can't it all end. Every human on their own, every 6 billion of us in the planet finding our own place to settle, no one aloud to conceive or bear children. Just let the population stagnate. I just feel it is a waste of time bringing people to earth to just be destined to worship God. That's selfishness and abuse of humanity. Why the hell was i made to be here. i find it so unfair, it's not right to subject any creaure to violence, confusion, racial discrimination and other crap that arise from misconstrued cultural understanding. Once again it is said that our differences are deliberate by God, as in............................what is this some sickening nightmare called a conspiracy theory that a supernatural being gets kicks out of! what a waste!!!

What to say!!

I am emotionally exhausted and loving Usher right now. The one song that just speaks to my heart right now;Moving mountains. I feel better, that however doesn't chnage the fact that i want to move out. I feel indebted to my siblings. All the sacrifices that they have made..... but i honestly feel like the parent at times, in more ways than one. Not that they are retarded or lazy, it's just that i have been blessed and i feel like it is me to make the way for them God...God help me............you know what? I'm done here!!! This is just more stress trying to type out how i am feeling right now.

Here come the power hungry retartded watchies!!!!!!!

You see the annoying thing about giving people with low self esteem positions of power is they automatically abuse it.
For example, at the office since My pal and i set foot through the door, the guards had it in for us. This is not paranoia. You say hi to them, they ignore you, then the next thing, we were constantly being searched. It was meant to be random searching, but that never happened, for us it was clockwork, checked going in and stepping out. Then we spoke the security manager, who then made it clear to them being rude and harassing people shouldn't be the role they play, people actually come to work, not to be harrased. The thick people that they are,instead of randomly checking us, even when we present our wares end up snobbing us in protest. After months of that, today they have arisen!!!I'm hungry and cold having a nice hot cup of tea and queen cakes and one retarded talking guard walks up to my desk, and just starts "you refused to be searched and now you are eating, i will report you." I just looked at her as she spoke and walked away. What should i say, a round of applause to the confident and courageous guard,who faced the forces of evil to save, to save, to save.....? to save what? This is just ridiculous, security guards need to have a certain level of intelligence. The primitive lot need to go through a degree course or form of concetration camp to get their conduct right.I hate abrasive behaviour that has no grounds.
Irritating me in the morning, it just get's to me that i can't just get to work, work and leave without being harassed by some shallow minded twat!!!
Have a watchman free day won't you!

Fresh and ready to go

It was a restful weekend, was definitley worth it! I slept through most of Saturday, woke up at some point and eased into a book, snacked and listened to the very best of Eric Wainaina and Atemi. Amazing music, you need to get your own copy of Atemi's "Hatimaye" and Eric's "Sawa Sawa" and "Twende Twende" albums.
Sunday was pretty great, traumatic; had to be up by 6.30 in the am. It was the first day as a member of the MDT Media team. It was pretty cool, didn't really do much but Joseph walked me through it. The weekend's high light was meeting Nate of Fourth Line Films. He's pretty cool.We spent the better part of Sunday afternoon with Nate for a session on doc-u's. It was cool, hanging out with the team discussing, debating, sharing, critiquing and finally creating mini doc-u's in a matter of minutes and understanding the story telling element in film production. That realisation took me to another level yesterday. I began to re-evaluate myself, my priorities in life, the here and now; where i want to go, where i need to be and how i need to get there.
Let's say it was a weekend that lived up to it's name, God spoke to me in it!!!
Let's kick start the week with the fury it deserves!!!!

Here we are again!

This is the second day, technically the third day of the second last week of April. We are growing older and we need to be more inspired and self motivated. A very cliche start to the day, but I guess it needs to be said. This past weekend was literally revolved around movies saying one thing, Live your life to the fullest and bring out the best that you can really be....or just die in misery, self pity and regret. "The bucket list" A well written and perfectly cast movie. Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson brought the message out loud and clear. I have to admit that my reading hit a go slow at the beginning of the year, but the first book that i kick started the year with was worth the while. " The Pilgrimage" By Paul Coehlo a must read. It's the tale of the secrets to fightig the good fight called life, understanding how you can learn from the challenges that come into your life and the power of facing your fears head on for the bigger victory in the fight we call life!

I can't omit the fact that spirituality has also played a key role in changing my outlook on life. The power of depending on God has proved to be a relief and an experience in itself. I am scared, but not alone and with a single prayer things tend to turn out ok! Live this week with inspiration and purpose, cause that's how we are meant to live everyday anyway!

Godspeed in your good fight!

What's with the Sleep?

So it's the 7th week of the year, chic has plans, chic has no psyche. I'm just tired and i constantly want to sleep. Then i get a phone call from an enthusiastic friend this morning who believes in me not to fail, not to back down. to keep going. I would love to all this but I've just lost the willpower to do it. I am so lazy and so tired i want to cry. I joined a gym, but alas i still have no enthusiasm, i feel dead. I really believe i need to go to church this Sunday or i am done for, for another week. I believe it is spiritual fatigue. Lord help me today , i have a brain storming meeting, not like my brain has been working at all.

I am tired even typing this...need to go and get some spiritual juice, i am spiritually void!

Write-a-thon 2008

So here I am dandy and good to go. Have fumbled around and now i have opted to take the plunge and wake up earlty be at work and use the comp while i am raising enough cash to buy a computer to use at home. I have entered myself into essay competitions i pray to God i'll complete. Then there is a movie script for a short film that i am meant to be working on. Insanity and burn out are about to hit me but need to keep at it and find ways of rejuvenating myself.
so here we are again! I have nothnig deep and prfound to say and all i can think of is how can i revamp this blog to make it more than just my online diary. Probabalya scrap book or an activists site in the making, i have no clue.
Eureka.................the need for urbanisation is here. the launch of an idea and a campaign.............re-build Kenya.Not quite enthusiatic and get up and go, but ia m working on it i am. Trying to start somewhere. Heck even Koffi Annan started somewhere.