The past couple of days have been a tussle! A tussle of sleep and excessive sleep, laziness, lack of self motivation and will! lack of purpose and a constant query.....why in the world am I here! It has nothing to do with finances at this point, it is the emotional crap and weird relationships that i am falling in to! It is so freaking messed up!
After what i have experienced this week, relationships of any kind seem to be repelling, literally re-igniting my initial fear of commitment and a strong disinterest in any form of committed relationship! It has sparked a burning immediacy for me to fight for myself, stand my ground, and fight for me, my progression in career and academia. I need to go back to school, i want to go back to school, and i need to care for what is important for me, fulfill my destiny, reach out to my dreams!
i have also realised and come to appreciate the significance of faith in my life, the purpose of human inadequacies to bring out the necessity of God, the supreme, spiritual being in our lives, who curves our lives in the direction that they are meant to be!
I am happy single, i have clearer mind to see what is urgent and what is important in my life! I am scared, scarred and cold! But one thing that i do know is that I need to choose what's best for me regardless of how scary it is! I know my thoughts are incoherent right now, but my spirit is right on track with where I am headed and where to be!
The time is now to listen to the Almighty and follow his lead................now i understand why they call it a LEAP of faith! cause right now i need a Ben Johnson leap to start this phase of my life!
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